I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
