Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
