Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
