hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
