I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Randomize
