Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
