JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
he thought i was a dude.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize