She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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