I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
