So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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