I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
