Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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