We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize