You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
