Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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