eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
