Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Soap is not a condiment
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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