dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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