I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
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