ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
