I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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