how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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