This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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