is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize