I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
