Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
