fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
