i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
