just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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