false alarm. still invincible.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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