Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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