Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
