just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
