When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Randomize
