HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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