I skipped work to stalk him.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
