you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
