my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
