I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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