Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
