ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
The best revenge is premature balding
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
