I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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