no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
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