4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
