You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
So much rum. So many feels.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
