some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
