Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
i believe in u and ur pee
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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