'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
