i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize