you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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