oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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