Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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