Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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