once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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