Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
