All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I want her autograph on my taint
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
