Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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