I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
