That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
