The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
it glows. i had to have it.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Everyone says I win the strip club
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
