I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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