went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize