It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
