I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
