Can Purell be used as lube?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
