I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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