so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
