I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
