Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
