She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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