When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
home. puking in laundry basket.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize