i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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