He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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