Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Still dying that you shit outside
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
