So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
i think my cat just said my name.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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