I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
