Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize