All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
