You don't have asthma, your pregnant
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
it's like heaven, but drunker
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
