There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
COCAINE IS GR8
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
