he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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