The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
