Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
