apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
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