Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
