yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just want nice things and good sex
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
