I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
