Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize