i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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