I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
