Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
