i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
