i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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