even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize