Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
