I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
