Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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