...so i touched it.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
