you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize